Always Learning, Never Arriving

2 Timothy 3:1-7
But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these. For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

Long ago as I thought about this passage I was greatly convicted about that final verse. It had my spiritual wheels turning, and lately I've been coming back to a realization of the truth of the statement here.

Christians like me are really good at learning things. We read our Bibles every single day, we go to church every Sunday, we ask deep questions, and we read good books; and we may even pray from time to time. All of these are critical to the growth of a believer. They are essentials, and learning is a necessity for every child of God. But it is not an end in itself.

A drug addict can learn that what he does is wrong and still be hooked. A cutter may discover that God does not delight in self-destruction and still be a cutter. A prostitute may be taught that it is wrong to use the human body for immoral purposes and still continue in her sin. A porn addict may know that adultery is wrong and still be a porn addict. A drunkard may see that drunkenness is dissipation and still be a drunkard. A hedonist may know that his pleasures will never be satisfied until he places them in God and still be a worldly hedonist.

And all of these kinds of people, regardless of specifics, may truly and sincerely desire to be free from their sins and yet continue in them. Many people go to hell that way.

I do not want to be the next tragic story in the line of fallen people.

What God is teaching me now is this: yes, I may have been learning for the past five years that His followers are to make disciples, but if all I do is learn and take no action I would be better off not knowing. I may know full well by now that the greatest commandments are to love God and to love my neighbor as myself - but if I do not love God and do not love my neighbor as myself my learning is in vain.

You can preach all you want. You can sit and listen all day. But do not be deceived into thinking that we can sit around learning all day and do nothing with the tools we are given. The Bible was not written only to be memorized - it was written to be obeyed.

Monsters

Though it is a rare occurrence, every few seasons it seems that I have a dream that reminds me of the inhumanity of humanity. Such was the case last night. (Suffice that to be descriptive enough).

Today I am reflective of something I read a while ago: "Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive" (C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity). A similar concept applies to common thought about humanity: everyone says there are bad people, but no one who says so thinks he is a bad person.

Christians who read something like that and immediately direct their minds to criminals are a prime example; we make wonderful hypocrites. Mormons think they are good, Jehovah's Witnesses think they are good, Catholics think they are good, Muslims think (hope!) they are good, atheists think they are "good" - and so forth.

A father's thoughts about his son who beat up a child is another strong example. How one's kid can gang up with two friends and bang up a smaller kid and one can still say, "He just got in a bad crowd," is beyond my mind.

Something we must all understand about the human nature is that it is in many ways like the nature of a beast. And something I must understand is this: I am a monster. Because of sin, I have the potential to do horrendous things. There is no such thing as a good person, and I am no exception.

And this is the state we were all in when God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son to die for us (Jn. 3:16). It happened while we were still helpless; it happened while we were yet sinners (Rom. 5:6-8; 1Tim. 1:15).

For as long as man denies this, man will be a kind of sub-man. Not an evolutionary genius - a degraded monster. There is only one antidote; there is only one hope.

Pain

Recently I had a friend tell me that basically he was not doing well at all. Reading the Bible has become a burden, prayer has faded away, fellowship is nearly non-existent. It all feels old, and it seems so hard now. The days of peace and praise have vanished. Difficulty has come.

The only purpose this post serves is to say this: I'm there. I know. It is hard. All I could say in response was, "Yeah, life stinks." And it does because it is filled with much pain and heartache, passionless wandering and endless distraction. Days are only good when they turn to evening and they can be slept away like a bad dream.

But there was one more thing I told my friend in response, and I've been preaching it to myself a lot lately: whatever happens, don't give up. You don't have to love life right now or act like everything is fine. But whatever you do, just hang on. One more day. One more hour. One more moment. One more breath. Some way - somehow - God is in this moment. Somehow it will all be okay. Somehow everything will turn around.

And all the pain will be gone. 

You will sing again.

Just hold on.

Live to Please

This year has been anything but normal for me. It has held little rhythm, and at times, it seems, little rhyme or reason. But through all of the changes and uncertainties, surprises and Surprise (AZ), trials and triumphs, God has taught me many lessons. The core of it is simply this:

That life is hard but He is good, that the world is rich but the riches of His kingdom are greater, that my kingdom is vain but His is glorious. And that though I am weak, He is forever strong. And by His grace He has made me strong in His Son.

I get so consumed by the pressures of life that I often forget who God is and who I am in Him. I spend so much time thinking about myself that I lose my ability to see Christ as beautiful. I look so much at my own failure that I fail to see the victory I have in my Lord. I forget.

But all the while, my God stands in His beauty and glory. He reigns high above me and follows me everywhere. He is the defense before me and the power behind me, the shield above me and the strength within me.

If all else fails, I want to know God. Even if I don't get a college degree or the career I want, even if the sky pours down rain, even if my attempts to fulfill my ambitions come short - my soul is placed within the hands of God: recklessly surrendered on earth, safely sealed in Heaven.

New Poetry

A few days ago, I began work on my latest poetry project which I am calling Strong. I thought it would be appropriate to share a part of this with my readers:


Prayer Under the Sun
09.23.13

You said You’d make me forever strong
Until the day You’d bring me home,
But now those days seem so far gone
As I’m stuck here waiting -
Not resting but wrestling
And biting the invisible hand that sustains me.
God,
If this is a lie
And I was played this whole time,
Kill me now.
Whoever or whatever you are -
Kill me now.
I don’t want to feed on a strength
That isn’t there
Or be brave because I think someone or something makes me so.

But if this is real,
If this is true,
If You are God and Jesus is Lord -
O God,
For Your own name
Intervene on behalf of one too small to be lauded by this world You made,
Too weak to stand on his two feet,
Too lost to come around again,
Too poor to pick himself up.

Give me the power of Your Son
Like no other name under the sun,
And let the calling of You,
The very mention of Your name,
Cast out every demon or fear
That would destroy me.
Show me peace.

Make me humble -
Make me strong


No matter what I believe
Or how I doubt,
Where I walk
Or when I stray,
Where I stand
Or how I fall.

Get me through this -
Get me home.

Satisfy

Of all times to say this, I did not think I would say it now. But I am bored. Seriously. This week was, for the first part, one of the most stressful and challenging weeks of my life. College plans are falling through and being remade. Work offers me transitional times. And apparently five of my teeth need attention - major attention. But all this is not enough when I come home. There is a restlessness which I cannot shake.

Most of Saturday was spent not in things of little value. Much internet, much texting, much TV. Little meditation, little prayer, little Scripture. Things ought not to be this way. My excuse was that Leviticus is a challenging book to read all the way through. So maybe it is. So what? Well, I took a break and looked at a passage of my choice which I thought would help. So far so good:

Luke 10:38-42

Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

I am quite sure Martha was a lot prettier than I am, but I make a better Martha than Mary. 

Distracted. Why does that one word get me every time my eyes come to this passage? Because it describes me. Give me anything but sitting silently and listening. But this is what I need.

"We fall down,

We lay our crowns

At the feet of Jesus

The greatness of

Mercy and love

At the feet of Jesus...

No more fears

You've dried our tears

At the feet of Jesus

Grace abounds

To all who've found

The feet of Jesus"

~"We Fall Down"

The reading from Isaiah 55 in the first service this morning only acted as a reminder of this simple truth: all but Christ fails to satisfy. Happiness may be found in but a moment in other things, but it is found for all time in the Lover of my soul.

Never Quit

Take a listen¹:

Sometimes I feel like this is me. I get so frustrated by my distance from all substantial reality and any sense of normalcy that I want to yell or throw my arms in the air; usually I just end up rubbing my hand down my face. This is one of those times.

The other day these words came out as an attempt to describe the feeling:

"All my brokenness in one room:
The snapping of joints,
The black, the bent back,
Hurt -
I'm gutted...

All my passion in a city:
The lack of sleep,
Yelling, the swelling,
The sores -
I'm shattered."²

These are the days when life hurts the most. Things keep getting harder and harder, and there are even moments when there is no visible hope. But for every moment of being downtrodden, I find one more ounce of energy to press on. So I do. Giving up in life is not an option. Looking inward all the time and pitying self will only cripple me; looking to the hope God gives us in salvation in Jesus' name is the remedy.

Don't give up.

"You gave it all you had
When all was torn from you,
And when it all was lost
Hope restored your view -
Never give up on it
When life is all but gone.
Conquer every death
And wait for the dawn."³

Today is just one day. The season will soon be over. Don't quit right before the relief comes.

Footnotes:
1. Barnes, Michael. So Far Away. Perf. Anthony Armstrong, Randy Armstrong, and Joe Rickard. RED. Rec. Feb. 2013. 2013. CD.
2. Ross, Jonathon M. "All My Anger." (n.d.): n. pag. Rpt. in Waiting for Dawn. By Jonathon M. Ross. N.p.: n.p., n.d. 38-39. Google Drive. Web. 20 Sept. 2013.
3. Ross, Jonathon M. "Wait for the Dawn." (n.d.): n. pag. Rpt. in Waiting for Dawn. N.p.: n.p., n.d. 40-41. Google Drive. Web. 20 Sept. 2013.