"He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." ~Jim Elliot

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Friday, November 4, 2016


Entry 5


It is week 10. The end is within reach.

One of the most important and difficult lessons I learned during my time in college was to overcome. It was fear, mainly, that I had to face. This was my largest obstacle, my kryptonite. Had you asked me when I was going into post-secondary education if I was afraid of anything, I most likely would have said something to the effect of, “There are things that intimidate me, but God is on my side, so I have no fear.” While this was true in its ultimate sense, my attitude towards others, myself, and my fears greatly changed over the course of the last four years.

God is always for us. He must be always for those who trust in Him. Psalm 56:3 says, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?” (ESV). If God is for us, nothing can stand against us (Romans 8:31). I have long known that. Conceptually, that was firm in my mind in 2012 at my last graduation. However, I think that my answer in large part was due to the fact that many of my flaws were unexposed.

I never imagined the possibility of having so many difficulties in work and in life as have happened over time. My failures at certain jobs and even at school overtook me like a tidal wave. Even at the job I am now leaving after two years, so many things were uncovered that were humiliating in so many ways. When my inability to communicate or confront would stare me in the eye, I would shrink more often than not. For so long, I needed to take the leap and become an adult. In some ways, I am still growing out of my childhood.

It was in those moments of loneliness and feeling small that I most needed comfort. And I found it. Thank God, I found it. Over and over again, I saw the weakness, the misery, the pain, the despair drive me to Christ. All of my physical, mental, and spiritual inabilities pushed me down to the point where I could only be on my knees. And that was exactly where God wanted me to be. It is still where He wants me to be. I believe that He desires us to be in that place without the pain and the promptings; but we are undisciplined, so He loves us enough to correct us.

You cannot experience the power to rise until you have fallen – the power to awake unless you have slept, the power to be strong unless you have been weak, the power to fly unless you have been on the ground, the power to dream unless you have been stuck, the power to walk unless you have been idle, the power to rebound unless you have fallen back.

The power to live
Unless you have died.

I have died. My soul is kept firmly in heaven. And now all the promises of God find their “yes” and “amen” in Christ Jesus my Lord who is greater – than sin, than sickness, than pain, than anything that has stood or may stand against me.

Now the words come to life: “I’m not what I have done / I’m what I’ve overcome” (Fireflight).

There truly is nothing now to fear. Those struggles may still present challenges and difficult times, but they do not own me. I am able to conquer through the Lover of my soul. I am able to stand in all things. I can hear His voice in my soul, feel His breath in my lungs, experience His life in my veins, and see His fire in my eyes.

We're not waiting for permission
We defy our inhibition
Like our middle name is "fearless"

If we're gonna fly, we fly like eagles
Arms out wide
If we're gonna fear, we fear no evil
We will rise
By your power, we will go
By your spirit, we are bold
If we're gonna stand, we stand as giants
If we're gonna walk, we walk as lions
We walk as lions

- Skillet

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